The Final Slice
by Lumosify
Summary: Ron and Harry fight over a slice of treacle tart. (Warning: Kinda-sorta crack-y. Also, I am totally parody-ing the idea that Harry adores treacle tart.)


**Written for the** **D &D Harry Potter Challenge (Year 1) on HPFC.**

 **Word Count: 949 words (excluding Author's Notes)**

 **Warning: Slightly crack-y, and _not_ meant to be taken seriously.**

* * *

There it was, sitting innocently. The very last slice of treacle tart.

Harry glanced towards Ron. Ron glanced at him. And then they both broke eye contact and lunged for the final slice.

Ron, having longer arms, grabbed the slice first.

"Give it here, Ron!" Harry yelled.

"Why would I do that?" Ron asked, holding the slice up triumphantly.

"Treacle tart is my favorite treat!"

"And _I'm_ actually hungry," he countered. "Don't you remember what happened last time I went hungry?"

Harry took a moment to shudder in horror. He had not known true agony until that day.

"Why can't you eat something else?" He glared at Ron, though he knew it was futile.

"It was the first thing I saw," Ron shrugged. "The first thing I see is the first thing I eat."

Harry could not argue with such logic.

"I get the first slice of treacle tart tomorrow," Harry warned.

"Yeah, yeah," Ron rolled his eyes, and then swallowed the final slice of treacle tart whole.

* * *

Harry happily sat down to breakfast. Treacle tart was available only at breakfast on Thursdays (Merlin knew why), and so Harry prepared to treat himself to his favorite dessert…

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THE FIRST SLICE IS MINE!" Harry yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I told you, I didn't eat the first slice," Ron insisted. "Someone else did. And you didn't say anything about the other slices, so I ate those."

"Fine!" Harry declared, throwing his fork down. It got stuck in the table, but Harry decided that wasn't his problem.

"Tomorrow, I get to eat a slice of treacle tart _before_ you," Harry hissed. "No loopholes or exceptions in that."

He stomped away.

* * *

Harry rushed down to breakfast the next day. If Ron didn't listen to him this time, Harry could at least catch him in the act, and maybe snag a slice for himself.

He raced to the Gryffindor table and immediately searched for the treacle tart. Where was it…?

He saw Ron staring at an empty platter in front of him, and marched toward him.

"Ron?" Harry asked, as calmly as he could. "Do you know where the treacle tart is?"

"Gone," Ron said, and he seemed stunned. "I got here, and there was none."

"Someone ate the entire thing before _both of us_?" Harry screeched. " _Are they trying to torture me?!_ "

"And me," Ron said, irritated.

"We have to find out who did this."

"I'm not that desperate for treacle tart," Ron rolled his eyes. "But if it matters so much to you, go ahead."

Harry grumbled for a few minutes, but eventually succumbed to his hunger and picked something else from the table.

* * *

Harry had no time to find the treacle tart thief. The thought had nearly escaped his mind. Until dinner, at least, where he realized someone had taken the treacle tart again.

This left him in a bad mood. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of flying treacle tarts. He was riding his Firebolt, but no matter how fast he flew, the treacle tarts hovered out of reach like taunting golden snitches.

He had woken from the dream with a plan. He would get to the Gryffindor table before anyone else was, and he would be there when the treacle-tart-thief took the treacle tart. He would find the culprit, and then he would have _five_ slices of his most precious dessert. It was foolproof.

He was the first student in the Great Hall. He had lurked around at the doors before the professors had arrived. They had given him weird looks, but otherwise hadn't said anything. As soon as the doors were open, he rushed to the Gryffindor table and waited for the food to appear.

A few students trickled in while he waited. Finally, after about twenty students had shown up, the food appeared. Harry quickly searched for the treacle tart…

"What?" He whispered. It couldn't be.

He sat in stunned silence until Ron finally joined him.

"Again?" Ron whispered.

"No," Harry said, unsure who to direct his anger towards. "It never appeared."

"That doesn't make any sense," Ron said. Then he looked up and down the Gryffindor table, furrowing his brows. "Wait, what? Is it just Gryffindor that doesn't have it, or – "

He was interrupted by Dumbledore. As soon as the Headmaster stood up, the students stopped talking.

"I have an announcement to make," Dumbledore said, very solemnly. "According to the reports of one Hogwarts student, a certain few desserts are astonishingly unhealthy and should not be allowed at Hogwarts. I have shown these findings to the Ministry, and they agree that these foods should be banned in favor of encouraging healthy eating."

"Do you think – " Ron began, but he was cut off again.

"I am afraid that our prized treacle tart, as well as a few _very_ unhealthy foods will be banned from Hogwarts grounds. If you wish to have these desserts, it will have to be during a Hogsmeade trip or outside of this school. Thank you."

"What – who would do this to us?" Ron asked. "Which Hogwarts student would give up desserts in favor of 'healthy food' or whatever Dumbledore was going on about?!"

"I don't know." Harry realized he had quite suddenly lost his appetite.

From the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Hermione smirk, but when he turned to her she was thoughtfully chewing on a mouthful of food.

"Now that I think about it, that treacle tart really was unhealthy," she said. "I wish I'd thought of that."

Ron and Harry glared at her.


End file.
